Diary of a Pickle Eater.

Steffany-who-cares-about-table-centerpieces, whaaaa?

I caught myself freaking out the other day about - get this - matching my centerpieces to my invitations.

I’ll let you think about that for a bit.

….

Yeah, what that FUCK is wrong with me? These are things I literally didn’t care about or even think of until I got engaged. The wedding industry is a curse.

I think part of it has to do with my desire to set an overall “tone” or “mood” for the night. I believe this hearkens back to my theatre roots. I want to set the stage for what is to come, create a scene, or something.

When the wedding mania hits me, it really helps to talk to Anders. I firmly believe that this is our wedding and so decisions will be made by both of us, and he is so very much more low-key than I am. When I tell him that I’m freaking out about centerpieces (playful or dramatic, OH GOD I JUST DON’T KNOW!!!) (But it really all depends on the invites, doesn’t it? Peacock feathers don’t really “go” with pac-man) he says in his matter of fact tone of voice that all of that shit is stupid and it doesn’t really matter, and in fact WE SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE CENTERPIECES CAUSE THEY’RE DUMB.

Which is all I really need to hear, although yes there will still be centerpieces (made by yours truly) but I’ve decided not to think about it until we’ve made a decision on save the dates/invitations. So far this tactic has not worked so well because I sat down to write this.

I just can’t believe I’ve become THAT. I ruminated on the subject for hours the other day. HOURS! I looked up pictures of peacock feathers, flags, apothecary jars and moss. That’s insane! I’m becoming a crazy person. Crazy light, as I’m not worrying about anything else, but still. Tell me I am not the only crazy! What did you worry about when you were planning your wedding?

<3 Stef

Yup, that’s me in a wedding dress.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not really your typical bride. I have no idea why not. I was the kind of kid who ran around in pink and tulle, who owned multiple “princess dresses”, who made her brother and cousin play “wedding” every summer in our Nana’s garden. I still wear more skirts and dresses than I do pants, and I’m usually pretty dressed up. In spite of this, I tend to think most wedding dresses are silly and much too formal. **shrug** Your guess is as good as mine, folks.

Anywho, my mom finally got back to me with the pictures she took at Priscilla. Most of them were very washed out because she had forgotten to check the settings on her camera (she doesn’t really know how to use that dslr) so I did my best to clean them up with PS.

Upper left: This was a chiffon trumpet dress with little petal things over my hips. I was unimpressed (and HATED the flowers at my waist).

Upper middle: You can’t really tell, but the bust had all of these little flowers on it. Pretty, but nothing amazing.

Upper right: The Melissa Sweet Dora. I had tried on this dress before and felt overwhelmed by it, but this time I put it on and loved it. It was definitely my favorite, though I still sort of felt uncomfortable in it, like I wouldn’t be able to walk or go much of anywhere in it.

Bottom left: A dress with english netting and embroidery. Of course you can’t see any of the detail in the picture, but it was really pretty! It didn’t feel like “me”, though I LOVED the loop on the train.

Bottom middle: A 1930s style satin dress. The front was nothing special but the ruffled back was amaaaazing! Again, though, way too much dress. Plus, there is no way I could stuff myself with tacos in a fitted satin dress.

Bottom right: I wasn’t super-crazy about this dress when I put it on, but when I look at the pictures it’s my favorite.

I tried the polka dot Dora one more time with a black sash and a veil.

Oh yes. That is NOT a happy face. I really hated that veil.

I look more serene in this picture but what I was really thinking was “I don’t know about this you guys…”

I really like the dress and I felt good in it, but there was just something about it that kept me from being very enthusiastic. I think I just felt like I wouldn’t be able to DO anything in that dress, like it would hold me back from dancing the night away and eating tons of tacos and doing tequila shots. As I said in my last post, it was just too much dress. Even if it were hemmed to fit my short ass I don’t think I’d be able to walk properly in it. So, bye bye Melissa Sweet Dora. It’s probably for the best. You do cost $4k and that is just craaaaazy.

I don’t really want to go to another bridal salon, thought I definitely want to go to more bridal faires (helloooo, free cake!). I think I am going to have my dress made by Etsy seller Ouma and it will look something like this:

I just wish I could try it on first.

Cheese and wedding cake.

This wedding dress is INSANE.

I’ve been looking up wedding traditions and examples of wedding gowns from different eras, and I stumbled upon this dress. It is a wedding gown from 1759, displayed in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. You can see it full-size (for better embroidery detail) here.

I mean holy crap. I know architectural skirt styles and bustles were really popular, but this is a bustle gone berzerk! I have no idea how this bride would have fit through a doorway. And PS-why is her head covered with a bag? I know that the modern-day veil is a remnant of the custom of bride kidnapping (wherein the bride’s head is covered by a sack until she is married so that the prospective groom cannot call off the wedding on the basis of the bride’s appearance). THAT is why the marriage officiant really says “now you may kiss the bride” and the groom lifts up the veil. Back in the day he would have been taking the sack off your head and seen your face for the first time. This mannequin may be wearing a sack in place of a veil. But did brides still wear sacks in the 18th century? This mannequin suggests yes. At least her sack is artful. I do fear for her air supply, though. I wish the website gave more information about the dress, but all they have is the date and the place it is displayed.

When I went to Amsterdam in 2007, I went to the Rijksmuseum but we arrived about an hour or so before closing so we had to rush around and we didn’t really have the time to enjoy ourselves. I definitely did not have the opportunity to see any clothing on display. I was with two boys. :-(

My most distinct memory is reading a painting description that talked about the placement of wedding rings, how they differed from today, and thus how you could tell that the subject of the specific painting I was looking at had been married. Also the museum was under construction so half of the displays were closed. I think it’s still under construction, actually. Jeez, get your shit together, Rijksmuseum.

<3 stef

Ode to the chest mural.

I used to think that I would never get a chest piece tattoo, because although I think they look amazing they are impossible to hide and I feel that this style of tattoo would look particularly terrible when I’m 80.

However, as I’ve been planning my offbeat-ish wedding I’ve come across more and more pictures of brides with fantastic tattoos. This includes some awesome chest ink.

So not only do I think the tattoos look amazing, I think they look fantastic when paired with a wedding dress.

I love the juxtaposition of a crisp white dress with colorful tattoos. Bad. Ass.

The chest piece is definitely growing on me (it really doesn’t hurt that Anders thinks it would be super-hot) but I’m not sure I’m ready for such a huge commitment. I’m thinking about going for matching collarbone tattoos to start me off.

And of course I have to throw the following tattoo picture at you, because it’s an OWL!

I don’t know why he’s flying around with flowers, but he’s still fantastic.

<3 stef