Diary of a Pickle Eater.

Steffany-who-cares-about-table-centerpieces, whaaaa?

I caught myself freaking out the other day about - get this - matching my centerpieces to my invitations.

I’ll let you think about that for a bit.

….

Yeah, what that FUCK is wrong with me? These are things I literally didn’t care about or even think of until I got engaged. The wedding industry is a curse.

I think part of it has to do with my desire to set an overall “tone” or “mood” for the night. I believe this hearkens back to my theatre roots. I want to set the stage for what is to come, create a scene, or something.

When the wedding mania hits me, it really helps to talk to Anders. I firmly believe that this is our wedding and so decisions will be made by both of us, and he is so very much more low-key than I am. When I tell him that I’m freaking out about centerpieces (playful or dramatic, OH GOD I JUST DON’T KNOW!!!) (But it really all depends on the invites, doesn’t it? Peacock feathers don’t really “go” with pac-man) he says in his matter of fact tone of voice that all of that shit is stupid and it doesn’t really matter, and in fact WE SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE CENTERPIECES CAUSE THEY’RE DUMB.

Which is all I really need to hear, although yes there will still be centerpieces (made by yours truly) but I’ve decided not to think about it until we’ve made a decision on save the dates/invitations. So far this tactic has not worked so well because I sat down to write this.

I just can’t believe I’ve become THAT. I ruminated on the subject for hours the other day. HOURS! I looked up pictures of peacock feathers, flags, apothecary jars and moss. That’s insane! I’m becoming a crazy person. Crazy light, as I’m not worrying about anything else, but still. Tell me I am not the only crazy! What did you worry about when you were planning your wedding?

<3 Stef

On weddings.

I used to love wedding blogs, back when I wasn’t actually engaged. It felt illicit somehow, dangerous. Oh, hahaha, I’m reading about weddings! I’m not even engaged and not sure I’ll ever be! I hope Anders doesn’t see me looking and freak out…
Now it’s mostly tiring. Now that I have actual planning to do, it occurs to me that I don’t want to spend so many hours pouring over the photos from someone else’s wedding, admiring their decor and dress and choices. I have my own choices to make! Comparing “mine” to “yours” just seems dangerous.
Not that these wedding blogs didn’t teach me something valuable. I’ve been reading Offbeat Bride for nearly two years now, and it taught me that when you get married it can look however the hell you want it to. You don’t have to wear the white dress, have the standard catered reception, or go into debt planning your wedding. I never spent years and years planning my wedding, mostly because I thought they were staid, ridiculously traditional affairs. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fun at every wedding I’ve ever been to. But aside from very small variations, they were all the same. That’s the point of tradition, I suppose, and there is value in tradition. Some people want that. There are traditions I plan to follow, just not very many of them. The exchange of rings, yes. Ceremony, yes. Garter and bouquet toss, matching bridesmaids, white dress, church, tuxedos, tiered cake? No, no, no, no, no, no.
I’ve also discovered that I don’t really like wedding planning, and I really assumed that I would. There is just too much pressure! Do you know that I spent about two hours surfing the internet last Saturday looking for a venue in San Francisco that had a rooftop patio (that wasn’t a hotel)? I didn’t find any. (Though you should check out The Hamilton-a remodeled, GORGEOUS Art Deco hotel.) Then my first vendor call with Delysium (the event planners who handle the Dogpatch Studios rental) went terribly and they never sent me a price sheet. I guess I just wasn’t willing to spend enough for them! I oscillate between wanting to find something that is “perfect” and something that just works. I want my wedding to be pretty, but I don’t want to drive myself crazy over it. I don’t want to obsess. I just want it to be.
As a closing note, please don’t think that if I went to your wedding I thought it was awful. I didn’t! Your wedding was amazing. It just wasn’t “me” or “us”, and isn’t that the point of planning your wedding? To do what you and your partner want?