On weddings.
I used to love wedding blogs, back when I wasn’t actually engaged. It felt illicit somehow, dangerous. Oh, hahaha, I’m reading about weddings! I’m not even engaged and not sure I’ll ever be! I hope Anders doesn’t see me looking and freak out…
Now it’s mostly tiring. Now that I have actual planning to do, it occurs to me that I don’t want to spend so many hours pouring over the photos from someone else’s wedding, admiring their decor and dress and choices. I have my own choices to make! Comparing “mine” to “yours” just seems dangerous.
Not that these wedding blogs didn’t teach me something valuable. I’ve been reading Offbeat Bride for nearly two years now, and it taught me that when you get married it can look however the hell you want it to. You don’t have to wear the white dress, have the standard catered reception, or go into debt planning your wedding. I never spent years and years planning my wedding, mostly because I thought they were staid, ridiculously traditional affairs. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fun at every wedding I’ve ever been to. But aside from very small variations, they were all the same. That’s the point of tradition, I suppose, and there is value in tradition. Some people want that. There are traditions I plan to follow, just not very many of them. The exchange of rings, yes. Ceremony, yes. Garter and bouquet toss, matching bridesmaids, white dress, church, tuxedos, tiered cake? No, no, no, no, no, no.
I’ve also discovered that I don’t really like wedding planning, and I really assumed that I would. There is just too much pressure! Do you know that I spent about two hours surfing the internet last Saturday looking for a venue in San Francisco that had a rooftop patio (that wasn’t a hotel)? I didn’t find any. (Though you should check out The Hamilton-a remodeled, GORGEOUS Art Deco hotel.) Then my first vendor call with Delysium (the event planners who handle the Dogpatch Studios rental) went terribly and they never sent me a price sheet. I guess I just wasn’t willing to spend enough for them! I oscillate between wanting to find something that is “perfect” and something that just works. I want my wedding to be pretty, but I don’t want to drive myself crazy over it. I don’t want to obsess. I just want it to be.
As a closing note, please don’t think that if I went to your wedding I thought it was awful. I didn’t! Your wedding was amazing. It just wasn’t “me” or “us”, and isn’t that the point of planning your wedding? To do what you and your partner want?
